That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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