The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
