i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
