That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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