He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
