my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
