God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
