I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
