NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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