my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
