i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
