At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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