Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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