No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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