im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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