Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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