Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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