I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.