come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
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I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.