Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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