All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
