i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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