im drinking this country out of the recession.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
