peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
