I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
