this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
