You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
