you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
