My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ketchup is God's man juice
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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