Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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