We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
