You're completely useless in the revolution.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
