I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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