I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
