I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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