my mouth tastes like poor choices
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
