Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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