People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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