mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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