Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
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I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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