left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
