So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize