my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
