hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
