My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
