Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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