Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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