i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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