she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
