i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
should my penis look like a turkey
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
