I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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