have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
