i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
