i think my mom watched the whole time
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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