I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
