this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
