I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
