there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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