Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
