Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
