She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
