remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
